Note : By relationship I mean close friends too. This is also not only about a boy and a girl when I talk about close friends, its more about people in general. This post is an opinion over the quote and definitely not a relationship advice.

Every once in a while as I read something about a relationship I get this quote that “Time heals everything”. The other day I was reading a quote “What a slut time is. She screws everybody.” by John Green, author of “The fault in our stars”. So I started wondering does time really heals things or do we get to a point where you don’t really care about the person anymore because both are different perceptions. When you get healed after an injury, it means the injury never has any effect on you anymore and the only thing you have is a faint memory of the incident. But the other scenario is that the injury becomes a scar and you have to live up with the scar but since a lot of time has passed you have prepared yourself to live through with that scar and once in a while as you see the scar you have strong memories of the whole thing. So there is a subtle difference. So lets talk about it.

A tale of two triangles

The world is a highly diversified place filled with people of different ideologies working towards a common goal of happiness and fulfilling their definition of success as we speak. So in the entire lifespan we get to meet different people through school, college, workplace etc. Everyone has a different story and perception of life. So its like a world filled with lots of shapes both regular and irregular and they are present inside a large cardboard box with everything moving around as it does in space. So lets say you are a red right angled triangle and you get to see a lot of different shapes in your lifetime. You take into account the fact over how they are structured and also gain perceptions from their views of the world. So you repeat this everyday and move to different places of the cardboard and life keeps surprising you everyday.

One day you stumble upon an another right angled triangle that is red. So you haven’t seen something that resembles your shape in spite of the difference in color and its a whole different experience for you to meet someone who closely resembles your thoughts. So you spent the rest of the days talking about different properties and the challenges you have faced. Everyday when you speak about something different you get amazed by the fact that the other person also shares the same interface but has different perceptions about the same scenario to give you new views. You slowly start picking up those little reddish spots over these conversations and the red triangle also starts to gain yellowish spots over its surface. That is how moments are made and you get to cherish those moments every once in a while. So the interface keeps building up and you don’t have a point where you think “Do I need to discuss this over with the other person?” anymore. You start increasing your transparency level and opaqueness keeps fading away over the years. So one day you feel so strong that the other triangle just completes you.

  • So what do you get when you join two right angled triangles by either of the sides other than the hypotenuse?

Don’t panic, its not a whiteboard question. You get yet another big triangle and that is how you get a close friend or a relationship.

  • So close friends for life or in case of a relationship, they are happily married ever after right like a perfect Quora answer ?

Well, if that is the case I am happy for your choice and you can press Ctrl + W to close the browser tab.

Square pegs and a circle

Days pass on and you keep meeting or reading about different stuff everyday and you start gaining more and more experience. Also the responsibility factor kicks in and you have to be responsible enough to take care of yourself and your dependents too. I don’t meant to say these factors never existed when you get to meet the person. I am saying its a fact of life that you have to deal with these responsibilities and personal goals at a slightly increased pace. So you start to evolve taking these factors into consideration. In our case the once called yellow triangle slowly starts to become a yellow square but still has those red spots all over. The red triangle too evolves into a round circle with yellow spots. So the shapes don’t fit any more and the common interface changes. So I get your questions in mind as below.

  • Does that mean you never have lifelong close friends and relationships?
  • Does that mean you have to stop the search on such a close friend or to cut off myself from people and go to a cave?
  • Does that mean I always have to be a right angled triangle and expect the other person to be so?
  • So I don’t have to change myself over a period of time and being stagnant saves the relationship right?
  • So I should never have those moments created in my mind in the first place so that I can be safe enough to quit?

The answer to all these questions is a big NO. People evolve over a point of time and we have just reached a point where square peg doesn’t fit with a circle anymore. That never says anything wrong about the square peg or the circle. Its just that they don’t fit anymore as a single unified structure. Hence for the relationships that don’t evolve over a period of time the model just breaks. It never means all of them evolve over to the same point where everything breaks. That will end up in a chaos in the scheme of things. Ok they are not close anymore and move on but what does this have to move with time heals everything.

Red spots on a yellow surface

Sometimes it makes me sad though. Andy being gone. I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone. I guess I just miss my friend - Morgan Freeman (The Shawshank Redemption)

People move on except with the fact that they leave over a large amount of memories in place with those little red spots. Moments are a key part of any good friendship and never means you have to stop enjoying or cherishing those moments with good friends. The point is that you have to be strong enough to deal with these situations and make yourself mature enough to focus on what is next without losing out on the opportunities or panicking. So time gives you some opportunities to deal with these situations. If it doesn’t its always good to try and create those opportunities to handle the situation in a better way instead of wasting time. Sometimes its ok to waste time to get a better introspection except that you don’t end up doing too much of analysis to reach “Paralysis by analysis” state or losing out on opportunities in the meantime.

You have to make a push towards the goal with a better introspection and added endurance. So after a point of time what seemed to be a disaster turned out to be an opportunity in disguise to make yourself better. So time never heals anything it just gives you enough opportunities to push you out of comfort zone and screws you up sometime. Everyone has to deal with them in their own way towards the goal with no universal recipe. I am not trying to spray “All is well” and “Expectations always hurt” attitude all over. Its just that people don’t fit anymore never makes either of the person or the relationship in question a bad thing. Its the attitude and endurance towards these situations that carve us out to handle them better in case they happen again in the near future. Time never heals things its just that the perception towards the scenario changes over the course of time and those once strong thoughts dilute after sometime and things become good again. The dilution never tells you anything bad about the relationship, its just that the relationship doesn’t make sense anymore. Such is life.

Hey, are you alright?

So some of those who got this far must be thinking along.

  • Hey, are you alright? How can we help you? I am doing fine, thanks for reading so far. Leave in a comment and I will be even more happy
  • Are you venting out the frustration on somebody else? No, the quote just seemed to be interesting. Nothing else. Peace.
  • Your only used to post about programming. We see a deviation in the pattern ? Well its a blog about programming, eureka and mistakes

pushes article to git and checks time for lunch